Tuesday, December 16, 2008

也许,这是我懂事以来第一次面对的离别。
所以,真的,措手不及。
看着表妹留下的COMMENT,又再次,感伤了。

今天,听说,外公前阵子翻回旧相簿一直说想见回他的全部孩子。
但他的孩子们都各忙各的,一直拖延到最近才打算回去见他。
但还没来得及见到,外公就走了。
孩子们原本打算回去的探访,却成了瞻仰外公的遗容。
他们谁都没想到,当他们在拖延的同时,外公的时间并不多了。
这,已是外公也是他们永远的遗憾。

也听说,外公运回来时,脸色是苍白的。
当放进棺木里时,他的脸色恢复了,甚至隐约看见他嘴角是笑的。
他们说,是他看见外婆了。
外婆等了他35年,而去年在梦里,外公要求外婆再多给他三年的时间。
外婆明明答应的了。
但。。
是外婆太想念他了吗?

不会再有了,每年的新年聚会。
不会再有了,每年外公的生日聚会。
不会再有了,表兄妹们的聚会。



不会再有了,外公的身影。


都不会再有了。


所有的一切,都会随着外公的离去而渐渐消逝了吗?




原来,
当你很不想某个人离去的时候,
当你很想把时间停留在从前的时候,
当你很舍不得的时候,
那种无助的痛,

真的很痛。

5 comments:

Anonymous said...

yes, i can feel the pain too.. i was literally crying when i saw what you wrote here.. it was really heartbreaking and painful!

no more reunion, no more gathering, no more birthday celebration.. and the one and only time that all of us might get together again is 'cheng beng'.. which i doubt many of us will be going.. it is so upsetting just to think about it..

i was looking through the 'death statement' of ah gong in guang hua ri bao, and ironically, i can hardly recognize all the names.. especially those 4th generation's gang..

i was telling my sis that all the bonding that our parents have with their siblings will come to an end for our generation.. soon the family tree will fall apart and breaking into pieces..

at least, i still hope that our cousin bonding will still be the same no matter what.. i know that time will never turn back, but i really missed those bonding session with had during our childhood time, where we wrote letter to each other once in a while, talking secretly in some hidden place, sharing our joys and sads...

Shin Hun said...

yea!really miss those time!we kept writing letters and i rmbr we used to wait for each other in front of the door during cny and we alwiz get so excited when we get to c each other!

time flies..n everything's gonna come to an end?sigh...

Anonymous said...

i also shocked when heard the news, after reading ur blog, i really feel the sadness, tears rolling in my eyes...

hope lao gong gong rest in peace...

Anonymous said...

几天前看风采,看到有一家八个兄弟姐妹,虽然父母早已在他们小时候去世,现在的他们各有个家庭,但他们每星期,佳节新年时,大大小小都会集在大哥家,很热闹~
我还在想,外公的去世,我们新年的集会到几时,会永久吗?怎知。。。明年是最后一年,为什么要酱呢?难道外公走了,就要酱快断了这长久的习俗吗?

shamaine said...

景物犹在,人事已非...以后的年初一,应该会是这样的心情吧...